You know, I have been blown away by the power I have 'over' my husband. Frankly, it's starting to scare me! I finally gave up my need for power in the relationship, and decided I was willing to take my place in God's 'story' of life. Even though it isn't really 'fulfilling' in the world-way, it is what God asked of me, so how could I say no. And I sort of settled into the idea that Drew will make the decisions and wear the hat in the family.
It was relieving of sorts. I was glad to have the burden off of my shoulder.
But, after taking a deep breath and starting to relax, God started to show me that while I don't make the final decisions in this family any longer, I have a HUGE role to play in it none the less.
My role, besides the daily homemaking and training, is to make sure Drew's needs are being met, so that he is in a position to make the decisions that he needs to make. And my goodness, the things that affect his decision-making are vast! I started to realize what goes into my own ability to be wise and clear headed and disciplined. Goodness, if I eat wrong, I'm a mess for a week, or year! I get so grumpy with the kids and can barely survive, much less think ahead to problem solving to help them grow up to be who God wants them to be. And forget about having the time and energy to prepare foods for us as we heal and grow physically! If I am hungry, or tired, again, forget it. My life turns into one of survival, and little else.
If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. How VERY true that is!
We used to not be able to be in the same room together, as a family, until recently. Without fighting and bickering and just overall misery. But lately, we actually enjoy being together. We have started playing games together and reading and actually interacting and creating good memories. Not ALL the time mind you, but I see lots of good times finally.
And the difference I have seen that make in Drew is amazing!! He will be responsible to God someday for his family, but yet he couldn't even be with his family because they were such a mess!
But, if I follow through on discipline, and take care of myself so that I have energy leftover, I can take care of the kids, and train them to become the people they need to be, so we can be together and actually have fun. And then Drew is able to enjoy being with us, and get to konw the kids better and see what their needs are, and figure out how to help them. We become a team and it's amazing!
Drew needs food, protein, red meat specifically. Or his personality changes also. I have come to realize that is actually very common in people, men esp. Probably a blood sugar level thing actually. Trying to make sure he has the food he needs, in the formats that he enjoys, is challenging, but doable. He also needs to not eat things he he reacts to. That is specific to each person of course. His ability to function at work is dependent on his clear-headedness. So what I feed him can even affect his job!
Drew needs sleep. Again, he can't function properly without it. As it turns out, no human being can long-term. Scarlett Pimpernel be damned! So by protecting his sleep-time, I can help him to be the man God means for him to be.
Men have sexual needs, and in this world of constant sexual bombardment, it's important that we wives are aware of those and meet those as best we can. And that includes emotional AND physical.
He needs to be respected. It's in his dna, like it or not. And he can't be who God wants him to be without his woman's respect. Fair? Maybe not, but it is the way it is.
He needs to have fun. He needs to relax and enjoy life sometimes. So I need to make sure he has time 'built in', esp when he is having a hard time at work. That he not feel guilty for needing some 'down time' before he watches the kids or fixes the door. He needs to come home to a house that is calm and happy, not needy and psycho and moody.
He needs order and organization. I am amazed at how much more likely we are to be creative and get along when the house is clean and orderly. If it's a mess, somehow, we seem to fight more. And we are in 'survival' mode. But if things have a place, and things are mostly in their place, we just do so much better! So while cleanliness and organization isn't necessary to godliness, it certainly helps in the day-to-day life.
He needs me to study him, daily, regularly, and find what his needs are, and find ways of meeting them, so he can be the man God wants him to be.
Really, it's a full time job! So much for sitting back and relaxing. The final decisions may no longer rest on my shoulder, but I am responsible for practically every other step along the way it seems!
I sure am glad I'm not on my own here! And, it does feel good to feel that I'm not just 'susie homemaker', but that what I do on a regular basis does make a difference today and forever. Maybe only in the world of my 3 people, but if it's enough for God, it's enough for me.