I typed up the following in February of this year but never posted. It was fun to read it 6 months later and see that I have grown immensely. God is giving me grace and helping me to see both sides of an issue more clearly. And he has also helped to free me from my intense fear of consequences. He truly is sovereign and in control. And he will use everything in my life to bring glory to him, and he will help me, in the meantime, to deal with the consequences, no matter how hard they may be. To God be the glory, great things he has done!!!!
My life of learning seems to resemble the pendulum of a grandfather clock. I learn something and it's all I can think about until I have exhausted the topic and feel confident on it. And then I learn something else and do the same. I seem to do this in pretty much every area of my life. For better or worse, I have decided that it's just the way I learn and it can't be helped. What can be helped, hopefully, is my know-it-all attitude and pride. I see it so clearly after awhile, I just want to help people. But it always backfires. I so hope God will teach me grace, and humble me to realize that I never see the full picture at any point in time. I see through a magnifying glass, but only one little part of it. I hope over time to get more of the big picture, but I also know that I will never know everything.
What has been humbling is to be constantly learning the 'sides' of any issue. I read about and believe one side, and then I realize the other side has some points also. It's humbling and eye opening.
I love learning and I love that when I really learn something, it becomes a part of me. I think that is a wonderful personality trait. But it has it's negative sides and I look forward to being more aware of those in the future. While still learning the way I best learn. Can it be done? I hope so!
One thing that I think God is going to teach me in 2011 is balance. I still struggle with consequences. But as I come to believe that God really is sovereign, I come to realize that He has chosen to allow consequences as a way to draw us closer to him. We simply can't control everything and avoid consequences of sin, in our lives or anyone else's. But he has promised us grace to get through those consequences.