It seems like it happened in a different life, in a different world. In a lot of ways, that is true. I am a completely different person then I was then. And the world has definitely changed since then as well.
I typed out 'my story' of that day in 2008. I'm really glad I did, as some of the memories get fuzzy over time. But yet, surprisingly, certain pictures and smells can still produce an instant and agonizing feeling in the pit of my stomach. It brings me back to that day, that month, instantly.
It's a story I have told, without some of the graphic details, to my now 6 and 8 year old. The day they killed Bin Laden was the first time I told them about it. It's hard to know how much to tell children. They seem able to compartmentalize things in such a way that they are able to handle it all. For which I'm grateful. But I also didn't want to burden them with too much information.
As with everything else so far, I figure that over time, more details will come out, and we'll discuss it more. Now and then they will refer back to it when something reminds them of the story. But to them, it's just a story. Just like all the other stories they hear. See, compartmentalizing is a great thing!
I would like to have gone into the city today, to be at the memorial and be a part of it. I wonder if it would not bring about more closure. But, I can't bear the crowds and I have a feeling it would just cause more irritation. So, I'll go in one of these fall weekends by myself and just walk around and remember and pray.
Lord, thank you for showing me your hand throughout all of life's tragedies. I pray you would keep me strong and truthful. Hold me to you when life is hard, and when life is good. Help me to always remember that you are in control, even when it doesn't seem like it. Help us to remember the lessons learned from this tragedy, to never forget them, and to pass them on to our children. You are good-always.