Thursday, May 26, 2011

My Journey of Heart Change II

Part I, Part II, Part III, Part IV

In Part I of my 'Journey of Heart Change', I talked about how I had finally came to realize that God's will for my life right now, was to be a wife and mother, and to do those duties to the best of my ability.

Well, he did take approximately 8 years to show me that.  Or, rather, it took me 8 years to realize what he was teaching me.

You see, I had swallowed the American thought-process that being a wife and mom was not really a 'worthy' calling.  That I had to make more of myself, prove myself.  And staying home and wiping noses and training hearts was just something I had to do 'on the side'.

Now, being a wife and mother is NOT the only way to obey and glorify God for a woman.  The first lesson the Holy Spirit taught me was that obedience to Him was the most important thing in this life to strive for.  Anything else is just extra (even being a wife and mother or missionary for that matter).  That was the toughest lesson to learn for me.  I especially started realizing that when I started doing some Precepts Ministries Inductive Bible Studies at my church.  Myia was 6 months old and my life was not going how I expected it to go, and I was pretty depressed about it all.  God used some tough stuff in my life, over the next few years, to take me out of my comfort zone and to start prying my fingers off of the control panel of my life, one finger at a time.  But, eventually, when I was at my wit's end, I came to realize that God really is the most important person in my life, and that this life is not all there is to be had.

And, slowly, through daily Scripture readings, prayer, talking with good friends and lots of tears and thoughts, I came to realize that even if I was stripped of everything in life, I would still have to remain obedient to the Lord.  My relationship with him became the most important thing in my life.  I began to realize that under no circumstances could I give up that relationship.  It was all I had that was 'safe' in life. 

It was so amazing to see that transformation take place in my life.  When I found that 'connection' with the Lord, it was so amazing!  It took me away from this hard, toilsome life, and helped me to see how reality really is-a short skip until we spend eternity with or without our Maker.  This life is a 'blip' on the screen in comparison.

This was done through reading a lot of godly authors (and some not so godly, you have to stay challenged) and esp by being faithful in my daily reading of Scriptures.  I came to see who God really is.  Not the comfortable 'safe' santa-type God that most Americans think he is, but the true, real, holy, pure, jealous, righteous God of the Bible.

I had NO idea how much that was going to shape the rest of my life.  I had, after all, been reading the Bible, and Bible studies, for most of my life.

But that will have to be shared in Part III, as this is already quite long.

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