Friday, November 6, 2009

I'm an Addict

But it's not entirely my fault.

My SIL pretending to take the kids' candy. 

In my former life (oh, say about 2 year ago), I was highly addicted to sugar.  I had to have the stuff.  I craved it, I thought about it when I woke up, and all throughout the day.  I'd plan special trips to the grocery store alone so I could pick up a quart of ice cream or a bag of chips, and then sneak them into the house and snack on them throughout the day. At my worst, I was doing that at least twice a week.  It was bad!

Luckily, I realized I need some help, and I decided it wasn't just that I was lazy and had a terrible lack of self-control (although those are certainly things I struggle with).  My body needed something it wasn't getting.  Shortly after that, I found WAPF and Nourishing Traditions.  I was so excited when I read it.  It made sense!

It took me at least a year to get to where I wasn't thinking about sugary junk food all the time.  And lately, I've been able to turn down little pieces of candy here or there without any difficulty.

Until, halloween hit.  The time of year when candy is EVERYWHERE.  I have found I can only say no so many times and then I start giving in. So it's best if I control my surroundings as much as possible.  Well, I was being hit left and right by candy, and I started taking a little here or there.  And today, I realized I was back in the clutches of 'sugar'.  It has me wrapped tightly around it's little sticky white fingers.  I went for a walk yesterday and I had every intention of stopping at CVS to get a thing of candy.  Luckily I started talking to my sister on the phone and forgot about it.  Today, I made caramel corn, to try and satiate me, and then I went to church for Kids Klubs and found a bunch there.  And I ate it, and I feel yucky, and will feel yuckier tomorrow. But I'll still wake up thinking of candy and sugar and I'll crave it all day long.

We've been out of milk for a few days. That is one thing that seemed to curb my cravings some when I first started eating NT.  Hopefully after we pick some up tomorrow afternoon, and I start drinking it again, the cravings will subside.  And I'm really curious to see if the cravings will go away sooner then they have in the past.  We are eating so well, my body truly is well nourished these days.  But the way the body metabolizes sugar makes it as addicting as alcohol and drugs, and I am addicted! 

I used to read about alcoholics and druggies and shake my head and wag my finger.  They just needed to say 'no' to the stuff!  Now I am humbled.  I have been (and am yet again) that addict, and it feels awful!  I know this time though, that I will get over it.  That there really is long-term hope.  That the cravings and desperation will subside after I've gone without for a few days.  But I also know that every time I eat sugary junk, those fingers are ready to twist me around again.

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